A lot of people hate networking because they’ve only seen the bad version. The guy who hands you a card before he learns your name. The “quick coffee” that turns out to be a sales pitch. The event where everyone is scanning the room for someone more useful to talk to.
If that’s what networking is, of course you’d rather stay home.
Authentic networking is something different. It’s just building relationships with people in business before you need anything from them. Done well, it doesn’t feel like networking at all. It feels like getting to know interesting people who do interesting work.
Start with curiosity, not a pitch
The fastest way to make a conversation feel transactional is to steer it toward what you sell. The fastest way to make it feel real is to be curious about the other person’s business.
Ask what she’s working on right now. Ask who her favorite clients are. Ask what’s been harder than she expected this year. Then actually listen. People remember the person who was interested in them far longer than the person who explained their services well.
If you need better questions, Questions That Lead to Better Business Conversations has a whole list.
Give before you ask
The most effective networkers are usually the most useful ones. They make introductions, recommend vendors, share what worked for them, and pass along opportunities that aren’t a fit for them.
This isn’t about keeping score. It’s that being helpful is how people get to know what you’re like to work with. When someone you’ve helped later needs what you do, or hears a friend who does, you’re the obvious name.
Be clear about what you do
Authentic doesn’t mean vague. You should be able to explain what you do and who you do it for in a sentence or two, in plain English. Not because you’re going to pitch, but because people can’t refer you if they can’t describe you.
“I’m a bookkeeper for creative agencies, mostly five to twenty people” is something a person can repeat. “I help visionary leaders unlock financial clarity” is not.
Follow up like a person
Most networking goes nowhere because nobody follows up. A short, specific note within a few days is enough:
- “Great talking with you Tuesday. Here’s the contract template I mentioned.”
- “You said you’re looking for a web designer. I’d talk to Maria. Want an intro?”
- “I keep thinking about what you said about pricing. Coffee next month?”
Notice that none of those ask for anything. They just keep the conversation going.
Choose rooms where real conversation is possible
Big events have their place, but they’re hard on relationship-building. You get a lot of two-minute exchanges and very few real conversations. Smaller, repeated settings work better: a small group that meets regularly, a community where the same people show up, a standing coffee with a few peers.
That’s the reasoning behind why most networking events don’t work, and it’s why WEN runs small Round Tables on Zoom instead of big mixers. No pitching, no presentations, just women running real businesses talking to each other.
Think in years, not events
The payoff from networking rarely shows up right away. The referral comes eight months later. The collaboration starts in year two. The person you helped once becomes your biggest advocate.
That’s frustrating if you’re measuring each event by how many leads it produced. It’s very encouraging if you think of it as building a network that compounds over time. Show up, be useful, stay in touch, and let it build.
A few things to stop doing
- Adding everyone on LinkedIn and pitching them in the DMs. Nobody likes this. Nobody.
- Treating every conversation as a sales opportunity. Most of them aren’t, and that’s fine.
- Collecting contacts you never talk to again. A small network you actually maintain beats a large one you ignore.
- Only showing up when you need something. People notice.
Want somewhere to practice? Join the WEN Facebook group and introduce yourself on a Thursday, or save a seat at a Round Table.
